deep thinking discoveries..

i'm beginning to wonder if amanda isn't embezzling money from me to get her salon hair products again because amy seems to be so tight about my money and she told me that my trust wouldn't last but a few more years. i spend maybe $100 or $150 at tops on credit card purchases a month. maybe a little less or a little more depending on what goes on each month. my trust doesn't pay my rent and she hasn't purchased a car or house for me yet- so those possibilities are out of the picture. i swear i caught some beauty salon products being subtracted from my account (and i don't use those at all- never have and probably never will.. tresemme is enough for my hair) when brian was handling my money a long time ago until i said something to him. if that shit is happening again, it's obvious who respects me and who doesn't. she's done absolutely NOTHING for me to deserve ANY of MY money. my trust should be investing enough money to be gaining money and NOT losing money so it'll be "non-existant" in a few years according to amy. this thought comes up in my head almost every night while i'm trying to fall asleep- so needless to say, i usually don't get to bed until late- i try to distract myself with aqua teen hunger force and my cpap WHEN IT ACTUALLY WORKS. which is needed MORE THAN LIKELY thanks to the second-hand smoke i breathed in thanks to my mom and grandma. i've NEVER tried to smoke cigarettes IN MY WHOLE LIFE- they just never tempted me or seemed appealing. so i have problems breathing and i also have ptsd thanks to my loving family. NO WONDER WHY EVERYONE (ALL MY FAMILY BUT JOE) WANTS TO CLING TO ME BECAUSE MISERY LOVES COMPANY and they'd feel inadequate if someone who went through more shit than them and came from the same place is ACTUALLY doing something with their lives!.. i miss when all those assholes just minded their own damn business. i'm referring to my mom and my sister mostly (they're probably wetting themselves seeing that i mentioned them in my blog). my brother is the only other person in my family who minds his OWN business- i'm guessing it's my dad's genes, seeing as my sister DOESN'T have the same dad as my brother and i and she seems to have a problem minding her own business LIKE MY MOM. i made that discovery when over-thinking one night when i was trying to fall asleep i think.